I've been thinking about doing this for a while, but I wanted to wait until I was far enough removed from it that my anger wouldn't come into play and take over. I had some great experiences, and I want to be fair to those and to the people who are good.
But recently I came across a comment on reddit about how those who don't have anything to loose should speak up for those who can't out of fear of loosing everything. So here I am, with nothing to loose, speaking about my experiences.
It's funny, I look back at I really wonder why someone like me ever chose to actually be baptized into the church. But I also remember the emotions, feelings and circumstances I was in when I started considering it.
I'd met some girls online who were members of the church. I was never into religion, so in my naivety and with the way the spoke I thought they all went to the same building. (I used to think the united church I attended as a kid was just that building, I didn't realize it was a whole denomination). They shared what it was about with me (and I learned that it wasn't just one building) and there were aspects of it that I really, really liked.
Not to sound like a sob story, but I've met plenty of people in my life and very few have stayed by my side. Either because we lost contact, they turned out to be jerks, or just circumstances changed. So, what drew me into mormonism? The idea that you could be married and sealed to someone you love for eternity.
It was a sense of permanence I hadn't ever felt, and that I greatly longed for.
At the time I decided that I was going to join. I was very, very depressed. A couple of the girls and I were talking about it. It all sounded so good, so happy, it filled me with hope and lifted me out of that dark place. I've also been an intuitive person by nature, and often used my gut to guide my decisions. So that, coupled with them telling me that these feelings were of the "spirit" testifying to me the truth of what they were saying. I jumped right in. I jumped without looking.
That was the first mistake.
But, I was happy, really happy. I was going out, meeting new people, all connected by the same thing. The people were good, nice and eager to help. It was a community, and it was a place where I could contribute. There were plenty of activities and things to do, and it kept me occupied, since I still wasn't healthy enough to find work. So, for me, it really was all it claimed to be. I enjoyed church, so I didn't mind that it was three hours long. I loved learning about the gospel, reading the Book of Mormon and parts of the bible. I loved the discussions, I loved going to institute, signing the hymns. I loved the Temple more than anything.
I truly, truly loved it all.
No comments:
Post a Comment