Living With ADHD

Okay, so the title makes it sound ominous and serious.  Totally not ominous, but perhaps a little serious.

Society has an interesting effect of causing individuals to want to, to some extent, conform and act similar to their peers.  That there's a standard that we should all strive to emulate and live.  What that standard is, differs from place to place, but is typical in every culture.

Growing up I was diagnosed with ADHD (super shocking right?  Well perhaps the hyperactive portion of it is).  And for a long time I was trying to overcome the fact that my brain works a million miles a minute and notices everything.  Focusing on one task is hard for me.  Before we tried medication, what got me through the urge to do something other than sit and listen was doodling.  I was still paying attention, even if I looked like I wasn't.  Fiddling with pen and paper controlled my impulses to move enough so I could sit still.

Fast forward to grade 9, we finally decided to try some meds.  My grades were the best they ever were.  High 90s, mid 70s were my lowest.  But I didn't feel like me.  Sitting and focusing on one subject just isn't me.  Plus there was the fact that the medication I was on suppressed my appetite and I didn't feel like eating (I know right?!)

Then we tried another one. It worked, but still, I didn't feel like me.  So in typical fashion for me, I stopped taking it.  My grades suffered, sure, but I was happier being me.

During that nasty ass writer's block I suffered through for years  I kept thinking part of my problem was that I couldn't sit and focus and just write.  It took a while for me to remember that I've never, never been able to focus on just one thing.

So what has helped?  Just accepting the fact that I have a short attention span.  That's part of who I am, and there's nothing wrong with that.  Instead of trying to overcome it, or suppress it.  I've learned to live with it, and adjust how I do things accordingly.

Now I know I need to let my mind wander.  So I usually have a movie playing in the background while I write, or listen to music, or just take a pause and surf the internet.  It keeps me fresh and able to happily go back to the task at hand.

What makes me happy though, is the fact that more and more society seems to be shifting it's focus.  Now more people are speaking up, wanting to be allowed to live authentically.  Allowed to be who they are.  To realize that things like ADHD, or homosexuality, or being shy aren't negatives just differences that make the world a beautiful place.  I mean, how boring would it be if everyone had to live the same way?  People wouldn't be happy.

It's Possible to Try TOO Hard

Sometimes I need to be told something over, and over, and over again for it to clue in. Usually by different people, in different situations too. Recently it was with riding, and then I realised (shocker) this applies to everything.

What I mean is, there is a point where any further effort you exert into something, can actually cause a worse outcome. Eg. During shows I would start riding differently than in the warm up, because it must be perfect!!!!! But Belle would be thinking WTF? And in fact, it was much worse than what we can do.   Now I have (finally) learned to trust that she and I know what to do, and I just act when I need to.

Lately I've actually been consistently writing again. Well, minus that week stint of binge playing Assassin's Creed 3. And I've been enjoying it again because I'm not forcing it to happen, but letting it happen. Lo and behold, my quality of writing is back where it used to be, it kight have even improved a little. I may be a little rusty grmatically, but I remember it better by instinct, than by concious decision.

I find it fascinating that achieving greatness is not about putting in a huge effort. But carefully choosing what to do and when to do it, and then just letting things fall into place. I mean, I used to think I understood the concept. But now I get it. It has sunk in.

So if things aren't going your way, maybe try doing a little less?

Atheist in A Religious World

I haven't voiced this too often.  Probably because the few discussions that have arised after I've said so have been uncomfortable.  But I've come to the realization recently that as much as I like to think differently, I care a little too much about what people think.  So here I am, saying I'm atheist.  Think what you will.

But, I digress.  I've noticed a rather curious thing since I've realized I'm atheist.  Most people I've talked to, who are believing, seem to not actually care what religion you are, so long as you have faith.  It's like people forget that part of the beauty of religious freedom, is the freedom to not have any belief at all.

I've had people plead with me, just hold on to faith.  Don't loose faith in Christ/God.  Well... Guess what, I don't have faith in god, in fact I'm pretty darn sure God does not exist.  Or, if there is one, it's completely different from what religion believes him/her/it to be.

It wasn't a decision that came from anger.  Trust me, I've had plenty of reasons to be royally pissed off at god.  But, it actually came from a journey of critical thought, observation, and of wanting to let go of my anger.  Because without that god who controls life, I had no one to blame for life just plain being a pain in the ass at times.

For, at the end of the day I realized that Christianity is modern day's mythology.  It's another way humans have chosen to explain the unexplainable.  But, science has given us so many answers, and the questions that are still out there, will be answered in time.

Which leads me to something else.  This has been a thorn in my side that, once I stopped ignoring, I could finally pull it out.  Why give God the credit for all our hard work?  I refuse to let god take the credit for my ideas, my resourcefulness, and my hard effort.  People would argue "but god created you!"  Well biology explains how I came into the world.  Sociology and Psychology explains how I came to be.  And other ologies can explain everything else.

And the fact is, I truly believe religion is the cause of so much that is wrong with the world.  We're so focused on what makes us different, we forget the fact that we are all the same.  We're all human on a planet headed for disaster because we're too busy focused on the nature of god.  We're arguing who should be allowed to marry, based on ideals that were invented.  How about everyone?  Since we're all human.  Black, white, asian, gay, tans, lesbian, straight, what does it matter?  I'm introverted, Caucasian, Canadian with native, french and Scottish descent.  Curly brown hair, hazel eyes, freckles and a freaky large appetite.  What do those define?  Introverted is part of my personality.  Canadian because that's where I was born and raised.  The others defined my features and genetics.  I'm heterosexual, by nature, as it is with everyone.  I can't say why I'm attracted to guys anymore than I can explain why I prefer hands on learning to lectures.  I have a large appetitie because my metabolism is faster and I have a very active lifestyle.

I feel like I'm rambling but really.  Why are we letting a human invention get in the way of how we treat people.  And before you counter that religion makes people better, how many crusades were there?  How many kids have been ousted from their homes because they left a church?  How many arguments have happened over doctrine?  How many times has the bible been quoted to prevent others from gaining equal rights?

And what of those waiting around, believing that all will be made right by God in the end?  Why wait?  Act!!  It is wrong to sit by while others are being mistreated.

I'm atheist because I now care more about the human race, than I do about being righteous.