Has been really, really simple.
I don't feel guilt nearly as often as I used to. I'm not constantly stressing about making the right decision. I'm not worried about what an invisible sky daddy is constantly thinking about me. And I don't censor my thoughts, or emotions which did nothing good for me at all. (And if you think the church does not teach controlling your emotions and thoughts: take a quick peek at these search results.)
Now I look forward to the future because I've realized if I want to do something, I better get out there and do it cause this life is probably the only chance I've got to do it. I'm more prone to go out with friends (somewhat more) because I never know when the next chance will be. When I get angry I no longer get in a vicious cycle of anger/stress/guilt (repeat for days on end). Now I get angry, swear, maybe hit a pillow, move on with life.
I've also recongized that there is not one "right" way to do things. I don't have a predetermined path to walk. I can walk whatever road I feel like walking. And hey, if I get halfway down and realize I don't like it, I can change direction and forge a new path all over again.
I'm far more relaxed around people too. Since I no longer worry about the "spirit" being offended, (Which he is an overly sensitive jerk that needs to get a life) not much phases me anymore in a conversation. I don't worry about if there's caffeine in something I want to drink, and heck if I wanna try a coffee I will try a coffee. I have discovered that I become extremely ADD with coffee though. (By become, I mean more so).
So really, I've become a far healthier, mentally stable individual. My head has become my safe haven again. The place where I can say what I really want to say before I come out with my filtered response. I've painted more. When I actually get my butt around to it I write more freely.
And most importantly, I AM HAPPY.
Do I want to make changes in my life? Yes. But I also recognize that is is within my power to change it. I don't need permission from a big invisible sky dude whose more concerned about sex than he is about people making the world a better place.
Sunday 27 October 2013
Tuesday 22 October 2013
Let Me Tell You Something
So last night, months after leaving the church, I get a call from someone. At first I thought that they were also leaving and wanted to talk it over. Boy was I wrong about that impression. (hmm, feeling being wrong? Funny how that can happen!)
They had "Figured Out" my reasons for leaving. I'd been left out.
So here's something everyone needs to know. I don't give a fuck about how people treat me. If I had still felt the church was right for me, I'd still be in it, regardless of how I was treated. Because I learned very early on that I'm the one that matters in my life cause hey, I live 24/7 with me and everyone else can come and go as they please.
I don't have many friends. I'd consider three at most to be friends at this rate. Am I sad by that? No! Because I know I can count on these people.
I've had many, many experiences where I've discovered my "Friends" weren't friends at all. I've had my trust broken many times, been abused and manipulated, and I do not open up easily. But, I am content with my own company, even when people are not being welcoming and friendly.
So again, I did not leave because of people leaving me out. Cause they didn't, and even if they had, whatever! I'm an introvert anyways, I don't need people! I like people, but most of the time I liked sitting alone, hence why I sat alone. Funny that.
I will reiterate: I left to be true to myself. I woke up and saw the church for what they were when I learned about their actions in prop 8. I learned that they are manipulative and abusive. If you're tired of me saying this, guess what? I'm tired of it being necessary. So, leave. Me. Alone. If you want to chat? Fine, leave religion out of it. You want to hang out? Sure! Do not try to re convert me!
An do not tell me to keep an open mind, when in yours you're right and I'm wrong. Cause whose being close minded then?
They had "Figured Out" my reasons for leaving. I'd been left out.
So here's something everyone needs to know. I don't give a fuck about how people treat me. If I had still felt the church was right for me, I'd still be in it, regardless of how I was treated. Because I learned very early on that I'm the one that matters in my life cause hey, I live 24/7 with me and everyone else can come and go as they please.
I don't have many friends. I'd consider three at most to be friends at this rate. Am I sad by that? No! Because I know I can count on these people.
I've had many, many experiences where I've discovered my "Friends" weren't friends at all. I've had my trust broken many times, been abused and manipulated, and I do not open up easily. But, I am content with my own company, even when people are not being welcoming and friendly.
So again, I did not leave because of people leaving me out. Cause they didn't, and even if they had, whatever! I'm an introvert anyways, I don't need people! I like people, but most of the time I liked sitting alone, hence why I sat alone. Funny that.
I will reiterate: I left to be true to myself. I woke up and saw the church for what they were when I learned about their actions in prop 8. I learned that they are manipulative and abusive. If you're tired of me saying this, guess what? I'm tired of it being necessary. So, leave. Me. Alone. If you want to chat? Fine, leave religion out of it. You want to hang out? Sure! Do not try to re convert me!
An do not tell me to keep an open mind, when in yours you're right and I'm wrong. Cause whose being close minded then?
Sunday 20 October 2013
Just Do Yourself a Favour and Don't
While browsing the exmormon subreddit, came across this little gem.
Sigh...
See, here's the thing. Those of us who have left the church, for the most part (I can't speak for everyone) have done so because we no longer want to be a part of it. Whatever our individual reasons may be.
I'm not a miserable lost soul waiting for a rescuing hand. For the most part I'm quite thrilled with my life, being able to think and choose for myself and not worry about pleasing a god with my every thought and deed.
And your principle of love? Puh-lease. I remember being on the receiving end of that "love". It's temporary. It's fake. It lacks sincerity. Why? How many times had people put in huge effort to reassure me, to reach out to me, when I wasn't attending church. When I'd get back into being a weekly presence? Funny, all those caring people became superficial again. Just the same old "hi how are you?" Without any actual thought or care behind it.
It gets old real fast. And when people say: "I'm here for your" and I think in the back of my mind "Except when I ask you to be?" That's not love. That's putting on a show. And if all you care about is getting my back at church, don't even bother.
Now, I do appreciate the fact that since I have resigned no one has tried to reactivate me. And I greatly appreciate that. However, I do know there are others who are getting these "shows of love" and attempts all the time.
Apostates and exmormons have a reputation of being grumpy and rude. Well, when you constantly, constantly, are after someone to do something they don't want to do, regardless of what they say? Yep, they'll snap eventually.
And here's another thing that I had to shake my head at. Uchtdorf in his talk said that often the people who leave the church were seeking after truth. But according to Monson "Some struggle with sin while others wander in fear or apathy or ignorance." Um... No... Not the case.
It is my knowledge that led me to leave. It is my caring about my fellow human beings that caused me to leave. It was me tired of feeling guilty and afraid over stupid, meaningless things that are considered bad, when they are in fact human. I didn't leave so I could drink and party and fit in with the world. I left so I could be true to myself, and no longer be a part of an organization that actively tries to deny other humans basic rights.
You want to know how you can help those who have left the church? Start by respecting our right to chose to live our lives in whatever way we choose.
11th Article of Faith: We claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may.
Which also includes the choice to not believe. Because I don't believe in god anymore. I'm atheist and I'm totally okay with that. I used to think that would be such a sad way to live, but it's not. So what if I don't believe there's a divine being watching over us? I'm more concerned with living.
Sigh...
See, here's the thing. Those of us who have left the church, for the most part (I can't speak for everyone) have done so because we no longer want to be a part of it. Whatever our individual reasons may be.
I'm not a miserable lost soul waiting for a rescuing hand. For the most part I'm quite thrilled with my life, being able to think and choose for myself and not worry about pleasing a god with my every thought and deed.
And your principle of love? Puh-lease. I remember being on the receiving end of that "love". It's temporary. It's fake. It lacks sincerity. Why? How many times had people put in huge effort to reassure me, to reach out to me, when I wasn't attending church. When I'd get back into being a weekly presence? Funny, all those caring people became superficial again. Just the same old "hi how are you?" Without any actual thought or care behind it.
It gets old real fast. And when people say: "I'm here for your" and I think in the back of my mind "Except when I ask you to be?" That's not love. That's putting on a show. And if all you care about is getting my back at church, don't even bother.
Now, I do appreciate the fact that since I have resigned no one has tried to reactivate me. And I greatly appreciate that. However, I do know there are others who are getting these "shows of love" and attempts all the time.
Apostates and exmormons have a reputation of being grumpy and rude. Well, when you constantly, constantly, are after someone to do something they don't want to do, regardless of what they say? Yep, they'll snap eventually.
And here's another thing that I had to shake my head at. Uchtdorf in his talk said that often the people who leave the church were seeking after truth. But according to Monson "Some struggle with sin while others wander in fear or apathy or ignorance." Um... No... Not the case.
It is my knowledge that led me to leave. It is my caring about my fellow human beings that caused me to leave. It was me tired of feeling guilty and afraid over stupid, meaningless things that are considered bad, when they are in fact human. I didn't leave so I could drink and party and fit in with the world. I left so I could be true to myself, and no longer be a part of an organization that actively tries to deny other humans basic rights.
You want to know how you can help those who have left the church? Start by respecting our right to chose to live our lives in whatever way we choose.
11th Article of Faith: We claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may.
Which also includes the choice to not believe. Because I don't believe in god anymore. I'm atheist and I'm totally okay with that. I used to think that would be such a sad way to live, but it's not. So what if I don't believe there's a divine being watching over us? I'm more concerned with living.
Sunday 13 October 2013
Why the New Blog?
There's been a lot of changes this summer.
Changes in perspectives, changes in my nature, and changes yet to happen.
It felt needed, and it felt right.
Time to start a new chapter, and why not make a new blog to signify that?
Taken the first steps down a new road and I can't wait to see where it goes.
~Leah
Changes in perspectives, changes in my nature, and changes yet to happen.
It felt needed, and it felt right.
Time to start a new chapter, and why not make a new blog to signify that?
Taken the first steps down a new road and I can't wait to see where it goes.
~Leah
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)